Relationships, deciding if this one is right for you.

This might be helpful for adults struggling with trying to decide if a relationship is right for you. Many people notice relationship patterns that feel confusing or repetitive long before they consider therapy, often feeling unsure of what to do.

This reflection is not meant to offer advice or solutions, but rather to help you pause, notice, and better understand what may be unfolding beneath the surface.

What to do

I talked with someone today. She is considering breaking up with her boyfriend. She described her life as being bad for the past year and a half and she has been with this guy for that length of time. Towards the end of the conversation she stated that she has tried to break up with him before. I asked what happened and she said that he started calling her a slut, on Facebook, by text etc. We discussed the block feature that is available on Facebook and on many phone plans or sometimes it might be necessary to change ones number. She understood.

A Red Flag is a Sign for Concern not an Indication of a Carnival

What struck me though was the the implication that what got them back together was him calling her a slut. This is a very red flag in my opinion, name calling. It could be the start of an abusive relationship, or it could just be substance use in that moment, so bad judgement. Regardless, no one deserves that.

Sometimes it seems like it is just easier to stay with someone or to go back, but if it isn't the right relationship, it won't likely ever be the right relationship. We can work on our part, we can't change the other person. Acceptance and modifying expectations goes a long way but if there are fundamental problems, like abusive behaviors like name calling, they likely won't ever go away, especially if the person doing it doesn't see a problem with it or doesn't change it after acknowledging it was wrong.

Since it is possible to feel lonely in a relationship, I think it is better to be alone and lonely rather with someone who makes us feel alone.