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April 28, 2017

So many clients talk about worrying about what others think about them or what they did wrong to cause someone to treat them a certain way etc. But so often other people's behavior towards us has nothing to do with us but is about them. An example I use often is about passing a coworker in a hallway and them not acknowledging you. This can hurt and make us wonder what we did that damaged the relationship. But it is more likely that it had nothing to do with us but is a reflection of them being in their own head either about a work issue or their home life. I know I've done this, where I'm so focused I don't even realize there is another person present. It has nothing to do with the other person.

There is such a sense of freedom when we internalize this: "The way people treat you, is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you." And sometimes it is only a statement about who they are in that moment.

So often we take things personally that aren't at all...

April 17, 2017

I talked with someone today. She is considering breaking up with her boyfriend. She described her life as being bad for the past year and a half and she has been with this guy for that length of time. Towards the end of the conversation she stated that she has tried to break up with him before. I asked what happened and she said that he started calling her a slut, on Facebook, by text etc. We discussed the block feature that is available on Facebook and on many phone plans or sometimes it might be necessary to change ones number. She understood.

What struck me though was the the implication that what got them back together was him calling her a slut. This is a very red flag in my opinion, name calling. It could be the start of an abusive relationship, or it could just be substance use in that moment, so bad judgement. Regardless, no one deserves that.

Sometimes it seems like it is just easier to stay with someone or to go back, but if it isn't the right relationship, it won't likely ever...

April 4, 2017

So you are thinking about seeing a therapist. 

The first step is to decide if you want to use your insurance or pay on your own. The pros and cons to using insurance are that it might limit which therapists you can see but it is likely also to be less expensive. The best therapist for you may not take your insurance and information about you has to be provided to your insurance company in order for the therapist to be paid.  The pros of paying on your own include having a better choice of therapists and having greater privacy.  The con is that your cost might be higher than if you utilized your insurance. 

If you decide to use your insurance, the next step is to find a therapist in your insurance network. The easiest way to do this is to go to your insurance's website and search for therapists in the area of your choice. I would encourage looking these therapists up online to determine if they would be a good fit. Therapists may have...

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Reading or commenting on this blog or other pages of this site does not constitute a therapeutic relationship, nor is is meant to be medical/therapeutic advice. This blog and website are meant for informational purposes only. or comment

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