May 3, 2020

Have you ever wondered how you would be received if you were to return to therapy? I can tell you, probably with warmth and a welcome, especially if you had a good working relationship with your therapist. Ghosting can sometimes be a part of the process so we're generally used to it. But that doesn't mean we don't wonder about the rest of the story, what happened after you stopped coming to therapy, did you get that promotion? did you make that big move? did you propose to your significant other?

We are curious and hope you are doing great, but if you aren't, please contact your previous therapist (provided you found them helpful and were making progress) to make an appointment. We aren't going to judge (if there is judgement, maybe the therapist isn't the right one for you), we aren't going to chastise. We are going to be happy to see you. We are going to do our best to help you resolve what is getting in your way. 

January 4, 2018

I don't believe in New Year Resolutions. It isn't that I don't believe in resolutions, I do, I just think we should make change when we realize we need to, not on a particular day. Waiting till Monday or New Year's Day or any arbitrary day means we may lose motivation or forget and it would seem to indicate that the change isn't that important if it can wait. Now waiting in order to prepare (finding a gym to sigh up with, getting less healthy food out of the house, finding other coping mechanisms, etc) makes sense but waiting in and of it self doesn't make sense to me.

I guess one benefit of the New Year holiday is a time of year to consider what might need to change. But are we setting ourselves up to fail because it is more “forced” rather than coming more naturally in our lives? I, of course, am a big believer in making change especially of one's self since, that is all we can control but real change is likely to happen when triggered by something; being sick and tired of being sick...

August 2, 2017

During my initial assessment with a new client, I ask the question of whether or not they have ever had thoughts of hurting themselves or others. Most often the answer is some variation of "Not exactly, but I want things to end." While exploring this further, I discover that really the person is feeling down or depressed and they want that feeling to go away. Other feelings are identified as well: frustration, lack of appreciation, helplessness, etc. 

This is actually very common and I look at it more as wanting to escape feelings or situations rather than having anything to do with actually harming one's self. Things can become so overwhelming that we just want a break, a break from the negative feelings or situation. 

Often there are small changes we can make to improve the situation and feel better. It can feel like the other person (spouse, partner, etc) needs to change and to some degree that might be true but we only have control over ourselves. Small changes we make can make a big...

May 15, 2017

Sometimes we get caught up with the idea that we must have a good reason for saying No to someone and maybe we feel like we can't say No unless we have a good reason. I have a really good reason to say No, because you don't want to! There are of course exceptions to this. My grandmother used to ask for help by saying "who wants to help with the dishes?" I didn't actually want to do dishes but I wanted to help my grandmother, so I did dishes. 

There are definitely times to say yes, and there are times to say No. To the person who always asks for help but is unavailable to help you when you need it, just say No. There are people who are just takers and setting boundaries in those relationships is very important to decrease your own anger and or resentment and or feeling less than because they don't offer up more in the relationship. 

No does not require an explanation. It can feel like it does, but it doesn't. Someone says, hey, can you help me with this, the answer can be simply...

April 28, 2017

So many clients talk about worrying about what others think about them or what they did wrong to cause someone to treat them a certain way etc. But so often other people's behavior towards us has nothing to do with us but is about them. An example I use often is about passing a coworker in a hallway and them not acknowledging you. This can hurt and make us wonder what we did that damaged the relationship. But it is more likely that it had nothing to do with us but is a reflection of them being in their own head either about a work issue or their home life. I know I've done this, where I'm so focused I don't even realize there is another person present. It has nothing to do with the other person.

There is such a sense of freedom when we internalize this: "The way people treat you, is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you." And sometimes it is only a statement about who they are in that moment.

So often we take things personally that aren't at all...

April 17, 2017

I talked with someone today. She is considering breaking up with her boyfriend. She described her life as being bad for the past year and a half and she has been with this guy for that length of time. Towards the end of the conversation she stated that she has tried to break up with him before. I asked what happened and she said that he started calling her a slut, on Facebook, by text etc. We discussed the block feature that is available on Facebook and on many phone plans or sometimes it might be necessary to change ones number. She understood.

What struck me though was the the implication that what got them back together was him calling her a slut. This is a very red flag in my opinion, name calling. It could be the start of an abusive relationship, or it could just be substance use in that moment, so bad judgement. Regardless, no one deserves that.

Sometimes it seems like it is just easier to stay with someone or to go back, but if it isn't the right relationship, it won't likely ever...

April 4, 2017

So you are thinking about seeing a therapist. 

The first step is to decide if you want to use your insurance or pay on your own. The pros and cons to using insurance are that it might limit which therapists you can see but it is likely also to be less expensive. The best therapist for you may not take your insurance and information about you has to be provided to your insurance company in order for the therapist to be paid.  The pros of paying on your own include having a better choice of therapists and having greater privacy.  The con is that your cost might be higher than if you utilized your insurance. 

If you decide to use your insurance, the next step is to find a therapist in your insurance network. The easiest way to do this is to go to your insurance's website and search for therapists in the area of your choice. I would encourage looking these therapists up online to determine if they would be a good fit. Therapists may have...

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Reading or commenting on this blog or other pages of this site does not constitute a therapeutic relationship, nor is is meant to be medical/therapeutic advice. This blog and website are meant for informational purposes only. or comment

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